Other than the obviously ignorant punctuation and typing/retyping failures on my part, the points you raised were actually giving me so much trouble!
I had a hard time trying to get a good balance of tone versus clarity, some of the sentence do run because I was trying to replicate the 6000 thoughts a minute train of thought that happens when you're three and in a scary place, and kinda really had a hard time. Like that part where I was trying to say exactly what he saw when he looked up (yellow sliver like the end of a nail, and the father's monstery-arm etc.) it really was giving me so much trouble! Thank you!
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2011-02-27 05:31 am (UTC)Other than the obviously ignorant punctuation and typing/retyping failures on my part, the points you raised were actually giving me so much trouble!
I had a hard time trying to get a good balance of tone versus clarity, some of the sentence do run because I was trying to replicate the 6000 thoughts a minute train of thought that happens when you're three and in a scary place, and kinda really had a hard time. Like that part where I was trying to say exactly what he saw when he looked up (yellow sliver like the end of a nail, and the father's monstery-arm etc.) it really was giving me so much trouble! Thank you!